


"God I hate Romcoms"

by Homosexual_dinosaur



Category: Persona 5
Genre: Akechi is Done, Crack, Crack Treated Seriously, Gen, I apoligize to the fandom, im so sorry guys, pure crack fic man
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-02
Updated: 2019-12-02
Packaged: 2021-02-26 03:33:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 986
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21646828
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Homosexual_dinosaur/pseuds/Homosexual_dinosaur
Summary: After the events of the engine room, Akechi is granted a second chance by a sadistic god in the form of a quest for love. He's told by his trusty Velvet Room Attendant that he is stuck in a coma, and the only way to wake up is if he pleases the god by acting out the 'perfect' romcom story. Too bad that that task is cut short as Goro immediately finds a gun...Join Goro-chan, Gun-chan, Pancake-sama, and Akira Kurusu as Goro Akechi attempts to get his irl crush to like him and finally lives the highschool life he deserves!
Relationships: Akechi Goro/Kurusu Akira, Akechi Goro/Persona 5 Protagonist
Comments: 2
Kudos: 20





	"God I hate Romcoms"

_"...You are held captive."_

_" A prisoner of fate to a future that has been sealed in advance."_

_“This is truly an unjust game... Your chances of winning are almost none. But if my voice is reaching you, there may yet be a possibility open to you... "_

-

A gunshot rang through Goro's ears.

He had died, short and simple, behind the barricade of the engine room door. A lonely death, but probably one that was fitting of a man such as himself. So then why?

Why was he awake right now. He's dead, so how could he be so... well, alive? His body felt like lead as he raised himself up, head pounding as he tried to get a grip of his surroundings.

"A bedroom?" His voice sounded like a hoarse as he took it all in. A bedroom, not that much unlike his own. The only noticeable differences were a large number of pillows and blankets and the unreasonable count of band posters spewn across the walls. Half these bands, Akechi had never heard of. My Chemical Romance? Fallout boy? All- American Rejects? Who?

The floor was cold to the touch as he made his way to find some clue of where he is. He was in a stranger's room, in a stranger's pajamas, and he didn't at all like where this was going. Did the Phantom Thieves just so happen to have the ability to revert death and took him home with them?

No, this was nothing like Akira's trashy attic space and he's sure that none of the others liked him enough to save his life and kidnap him or anything like that. Also, he's sure that none of them had bad enough taste to have a Twilight Blu-Ray set in their bedroom drawer. Seriously, whose house was he in?

He groaned in frustration. Nothing. Absolutely nothing, but embarrassing bs is what he found. Wait no, he did find a gun in the sock drawer, but otherwise, nothing. 

"Shit, I want pancakes right now," Akechi said, pocketing the gun for later.

A hand tapped a firm rhythm on the other side of the door. 

"Oh, Goro~," a familiar voice almost sang. "Are you awake?"

 _"No_ ," he said in horror as the man he hated more than life itself pranced in, wearing an out of character, overly joyous smile. "Please, god, no."

"Oh Goro, my precious baby boy!" An uncanny version of his father whined (!?), bouncing into the bedroom. 

He was wearing a pink apron, the cliche type with an excess of hearts and ribbons on it, and he sparkled like an anime girl. "I tried to make you some pancakes for breakfast, but I ended up burning them! My beloved son, I-"

**_Bang_ **.

There was a thump, as Shido's body hit the ground.

Ah, shoot, Goro thought. His finger slipped. 

He'd accidentally shot his father. Oops?

Well, that was abnormal. His father, who was currently bleeding out on the ground, was for some reason acting like, well Akechi didn't know how to actually describe it. What the hell just happened? Was this a new feature of the metaverse that he had yet to discover? Or was this something else entirely.

"G-Goro..." His father choked out. "Please call... The ambul-"

"No thanks," He said, stepping over the bleeding out man. "Can't be bothered."

He needs to find answers.

But he'd rather not get answers from the soon to be corpse that is his sperm donor. Hopefully there's pancake mix in the kitchen so he can actually think this out. 

It was a lovely kitchen, as clean and well organized. On the counter, stood the promised plate of half-burnt pancakes along with a coffee mug. Ah, looks like Shido does not know the true way of the pancake. The pancakes he birthed looked pathetic, but at least he put out a mug of coffee. At least this out to be acceptable.

"I'm sure he's no Akira, but I'm sure this out to do," Goro hummed as he sat to take a sip. "God, I love coffee-"

_Nevermind_ , he thought as he poured all the contents of the mug over Shido's pristine counter. 

"It's fucking tea."

Akechi looked around for a cell phone. Maybe he could order IHOP from Uber-eats or Doordash. A detective can’t think without his precious pancakes. God darn it, Pancake-chan, Goro thought to himself, I’ll find you and when I do nothing will ever keep us apart ever-

"Have you found what you are looking for?" A welcomed spoke from behind him. While Goro wasn't proud of the scream he gave due to the man's sudden appearance, he felt that he could cry tears of just from the sound of Akira's voice.

That is if this was actually Akira. The barista's wild dark locks were dyed snow white and his eyes were golden instead of the steel gray he had grown so amiable to. God, everything about this situation is weird. 

"A-Akira?"

"Yes, my dear crow?" Joker said.

Ignoring the warmth his heart felt from that sentence alone, Akechi asked, "What the hell happened to your hair!?"

…

"I," Albino Joker started. "I'm sorry what?"

"And that outfit! God, you look like a cosplayer Akira! Wait, nevermind that, where the hell am I, and who the heck was that Shido look-alike a minute ago, and why would he give me tea instead of coffee!!??"

"Huh!? I- Crow, he gave you what!?"

"The douchebag gave me tea, goddamnit! Not even the kind that I like, it was sweet tea! Like what the hell man, why would you serve a cold drink in a freaking mug!?" Akechi ranted. "The nerve of some people."

Joker was appalled. Someone made tea for Akechi. _Tea_. Why. Just why? 

"Don't worry, Crow, I'ma make you some coffee and then explain this situation to you."

Akechi plopped himself on the couch, taking up as much area as he could. "Thank fuck."

**Author's Note:**

> Im sorry


End file.
